I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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