Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
