Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
