dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize