You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Houston, we have a blender
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
