Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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