I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
