I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
