i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
