I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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