I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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