You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
