Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
