it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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