Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
