Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
