I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize