she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize