Whod you bang
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
