she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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