I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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