U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dont even know how to be here
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
