the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
