My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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