I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
