My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
