So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
