Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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