I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
