So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
