I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
