I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
