I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
