He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want nice things and good sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize