okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
