weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize