Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
