Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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