Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
