??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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