The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
