Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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