By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
