You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
