I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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