why didn't you poke me back
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
