Don't make out with my wife yet
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize