I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
