Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
