cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
