so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize