dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
