Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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