bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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