you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
