cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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