you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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