i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
