I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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