i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
