A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
