Already got asked if we're dating
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize