OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
