The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
