Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
