i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
