D3 body, D1 cock
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
