Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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